If Only They Would . . .

Elliptical
Harryette Mullen

They just can't seem to . . . They should try harder to . . . They ought to be more . . . We all wish they weren't so . . . They never . . . They always . . . Sometimes they . . . Once in a while they . . . However it is obvious that they . . . Their overall tendency has been . . . The consequences of which have been . . . They don't appear to understand that . . . If only they would make an effort to . . . But we know how difficult it is for them to . . . Many of them remain unaware of . . . Some who should know better simply refuse to . . . Of course, their perspective has been limited by . . . On the other hand, they obviously feel entitled to . . . Certainly we can't forget that they . . . Nor can it be denied that they . . . We know that this has had an enormous impact on their . . . Nevertheless their behavior strikes us as . . . Our interactions unfortunately have been . . .

Who hasn't cycled through this thought process, over and over?

The first time I read this, two months after D-Day, I thought - yes. This captures it. I could fill in each of the blanks, some of them ten times over. And I did.

Re-reading it today, though, I see what I couldn't see then - how misguided this entire thought process is. It is all about them. (Or, in my case, him. Drew.) The speaker is assuming the position of superior judgment, of superior understanding and insight, and simultaneously blaming "them" for everything. And, as a result, instead of being in control, the speaker is actually trapped in the role of the victim - someone who has no source of agency and power other than judgment and reaction.

As Chump Lady says, STOP IT! Stop it right now!

Stop spiraling down thinking about what "they" don't do right, stop thinking that your happiness depends on "them" and what "they" do. Your happiness depends on you. So focus on what makes you happy or grateful. Figure out what is the next right thing for you.

The more you are able to take care of yourself, the more responsibility you take for your own happiness, the stronger you'll feel. The stronger you'll be.