Untitled
Pablo Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance."
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain she makes me suffer
and these the last verse that I write for her.
Translated from the Spanish by W.S. Merwin.
Showing posts with label Loving a Cheater. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loving a Cheater. Show all posts
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Our First Father's Day
"The greatest thing a father can for his daughter is to love her mother."
-- Attributed to Many
-- Attributed to Many
Friday, June 12, 2015
This is Beginning Ever
Doing, a filthy pleasure is, and short
Gaius Petronius (trans. Ben Jonson)
Doing, a filthy pleasure is, and short;
And done, we straight repent us of the sport:
Let us not then rush blindly on unto it,
Like lustful beasts, that only know to do it:
For lust will languish, and that heat decay.
But thus, thus, keeping endless holiday,
Let us together closely lie and kiss,
There is no labour, nor no shame in this;
This hath pleased, doth please, and long will please; never
Can this decay, but is beginning ever.
Gaius Petronius (trans. Ben Jonson)
Doing, a filthy pleasure is, and short;
And done, we straight repent us of the sport:
Let us not then rush blindly on unto it,
Like lustful beasts, that only know to do it:
For lust will languish, and that heat decay.
But thus, thus, keeping endless holiday,
Let us together closely lie and kiss,
There is no labour, nor no shame in this;
This hath pleased, doth please, and long will please; never
Can this decay, but is beginning ever.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Someone Coldly Unknown
Understanding Relationship, Sexual, and Intimate Betrayal as Trauma (PTSD)
Robert Weiss
For most people affected by serial sexual or romantic infidelity of a spouse, it’s not so much the extramarital sex or affair itself that causes the deepest pain. What hurts committed partners the most is that their trust and belief in the person closest to them has been shattered.
[...]
The trauma evoked by profound relationship betrayal typically manifests in one or more of the following ways:
In part, the trauma of infidelity stems from the fact that while the cheater has obviously known about his or her extracurricular sexual behavior all along and may actually feel some relief once the truth is on the table, a betrayed partner is all too often blindsided by this information.
[...]
Adding insult to injury, it’s not just anyone who caused this pain, loss, and hurt. The agony experienced by betrayed spouses – their reactivity – is amplified by the fact that they’ve been cheated on by the person they had most counted upon to “have their back.” Think what it would be like to have your best friend – the person you live, sleep, and have sex with, the one who co-parents your children and with whom you share your most intimate self, your finances, your world – suddenly become someone coldly unknown to you. The person who carries with them the most profound emotional and concrete significance in your past, present, and future has just taken a sharp implement and ripped apart your emotional world (and often that of your family) with lies, manipulation, and a seeming lack of concern about your emotional and physical wellbeing! No wonder the effects of this kind of betrayal can last for a year or more.
[...]
Just as a betrayed spouse is not wrong to stay in a relationship and attempt to repair it, he or she is also not wrong to end it. Perhaps, for betrayed spouses, what is ultimately more important than whether they choose to stay or go is how they go about growing beyond this loss.
[...]
Robert Weiss
For most people affected by serial sexual or romantic infidelity of a spouse, it’s not so much the extramarital sex or affair itself that causes the deepest pain. What hurts committed partners the most is that their trust and belief in the person closest to them has been shattered.
[...]
The trauma evoked by profound relationship betrayal typically manifests in one or more of the following ways:
- Emotional lability (excessive emotional reactions and frequent mood shifts) – recurrent tearfulness, quick shifts from rage to sadness to hope and back again
- Hypervigilence that can manifest in self-protective behaviors like doing “detective work” (checking bills, wallets, computer files, phone apps, browser histories, etc.)
- Attempting to combine a series of unrelated events in order to predict future betrayal
- Being labile and easily triggered (think PTSD) into anxiety, rage, or fear by any hint that the betrayal might be repeated or ongoing – trigger examples include: the spouse comes home late, turns off the computer quickly, or looks “too long” at an attractive person
- Sleeplessness, nightmares, difficulty focusing on the day-to-day
- Obsessing about the trauma – struggling to focus, being distracted, depressed, etc.
- Avoiding thinking about or discussing the trauma (a common reaction to a traumatic experience)
- Isolation
- Intrusive fantasy images or thoughts about the betrayal
In part, the trauma of infidelity stems from the fact that while the cheater has obviously known about his or her extracurricular sexual behavior all along and may actually feel some relief once the truth is on the table, a betrayed partner is all too often blindsided by this information.
[...]
Adding insult to injury, it’s not just anyone who caused this pain, loss, and hurt. The agony experienced by betrayed spouses – their reactivity – is amplified by the fact that they’ve been cheated on by the person they had most counted upon to “have their back.” Think what it would be like to have your best friend – the person you live, sleep, and have sex with, the one who co-parents your children and with whom you share your most intimate self, your finances, your world – suddenly become someone coldly unknown to you. The person who carries with them the most profound emotional and concrete significance in your past, present, and future has just taken a sharp implement and ripped apart your emotional world (and often that of your family) with lies, manipulation, and a seeming lack of concern about your emotional and physical wellbeing! No wonder the effects of this kind of betrayal can last for a year or more.
[...]
Just as a betrayed spouse is not wrong to stay in a relationship and attempt to repair it, he or she is also not wrong to end it. Perhaps, for betrayed spouses, what is ultimately more important than whether they choose to stay or go is how they go about growing beyond this loss.
[...]
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