It's My Place

My Place
David Ignatow

I have a place to come to.
It's my place. I come to it
morning, noon and night
and it is there. I expect it
to be there whether or not
it expects me--my place
where I start from and go
towards so that I know
where I am going and what
I am going from, making me
firm in my direction.

[...]

In the months before D-Day, I was figuring out what version of "Home is wherever I'm with you" sign I wanted to buy on Etsy. They were corny, but they also summarized how I felt about Drew - he was my home. My "place." I expected him to be there, I relied on him. After fourteen years together - nearly half of my life - he had become a fundamental cornerstone of my world. So when I learned of his deceptions and betrayals and my whole world was in ruins, I didn't have a place, a safe space, any longer.

I realize now that I never should have made someone else - anyone else - my place. I need to cultivate that place within myself. The place should be my place.

Which is not to say we shouldn't rely on others for support, love, compassion, strength - especially in times like this, when our foundation is gone.

But I want to use others' support to cultivate a place within myself, so I have a place that will always be there, so I know where I am going and what I am going from, so I can be firm in my direction.